Thursday, February 17, 2011

Engineer's Description of a Woman

Engineer's Description of a Woman

Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical properties:
Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice. Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used. Found in many states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic, but attracted to coins and sports cars. In its natural state the specimen varies considerably, but is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernible except to the experienced eye.

Chemical properties:
Has great affinity for Au, Ag, and C (especially in the crystalline form). May give violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave. An essential catalyst is often required (must say that you love her at least 5 times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control when in dark and all reaction conditions are suitable. Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The reaction is highly exothermic.

The best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.

Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on cold nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared).

Specimen turns rosy tint if discovered in raw natural state. Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego). Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed. It is illegal to posses more than one permanent specimen, although a certain amount of exchange is permitted.


There is a general feeling in the public that IISc/IIT students are fundu,
unassumingly lost in thought almost all the time. And girls fare no better
in this respect. So let us see what a Non IISc/IITain may face when he
marries a girl from this campus.

SCENE: First night of the marriage.

CHARACTERS: IISc/IIT Bride and Non IISc/IIT Groom.

The Groom approaches the Bride and proposes to kiss her. So let us see what

would be her reaction..


"Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me or with
respect to you. First define how you are going to kiss. You can kiss me by
treating me in the same reference frame as you are or treating me in a
different inertial frame by producing waves of motion through your lips.
How do you prefer?

The guy faints.


"Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the following
Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance delta where
delta is greater than zero and the limit for delta tends to zero and you
satisfy the closure property.
Sufficient conditions: You should have lips. Where the number of lips is
neither more than two nor less than two. You can also kiss by defining your
hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the above conditions.

The guy goes mad.


"Oh Kissing, that is interesting phenomena that occurs in nature.  This is

an initiating process for sex not only found in homosapiens but also in all
heterosapiens, mammals, camels, vertebrates, invertebrates and insects. Out
of 1000 ants observed in a closed laboratory in Zuvinich in Yugoslavia 90%
of them seem to involve in the process of kissing but the subsequence is
very random with probability 0.672139 that a male ant kiss female
ant. First observe the behaviour of ants and cockroaches under various
conditions. That will be very interesting . Isn't it?

The guy has heart attack.

GIRL FROM CS (Computer Science):

"You want to kiss me. That is fine I assume that you know the algorithm for
that very well. But you have to complete the process within 56.22 seconds
or else connection will be timed out.  To optimise the timing lets do
parallel processing. As we have to discuss about our future and other
things, let us do the process of discussion foreground and why can't you
put the process of Kissing background?"

The guy applies for divorce.

GIRL from EE (Electrical Engineering):

"So you would like to kiss me. The process of kissing is an age old
communication process. The information content of the signal transmitted
from one pair of lips to the other is more if the probability of the event
(of kissing) is less. Hence take care.  If you want a successful
communication between us, you should kiss me less often. If the information
content is to be infinite, you should never kiss me at all!"

The guy is found hanging from a fan next day.

Engineering College Jokes

4 sal lagte hain Insan ko Engineer ban'ne main


Phir chahe sari zindagi laga raha,

Wo dubara Insan nahi ban sakta. :-)

Dedicate to all Engineers.
Highly Disappointing Situations For Students.
1.Ur Bestfrnd Weds Ur Lover.
2.10 Mark Question Asked For 2 Mark.
3.Principal Sitting Near U On Tour.
4.Xtremly Gud Lukin Guy/Gal
Crosing U When U Are With Ur Mom.
5.Teachers Distributing Ur Test Papers
In Front Of Ur Juniors
 Ek 6okro Engineer thai gayo
Kitli ni cha pito pito have kofi pito thae gayo
jeans t-shirt ma farto
aje formal paherto thae gayo
kale chokrini pa6al bhagto hto
aje company pa6al bhagto thae gayo
roj kolej ni canteen ma jalsa thi nasto karto
aje thandu tiffin khato thae gayo
"pulsar" n "karizma" fervato chokro
bicharo s.t. bus ma up-down karto thay gyo...
To pan loko garv thi khe 6...
Wah tamaro chokro "Engineer" thay gyo!
 Woh College ke din.... Kuch baate bhuli hui, kuch pal beete hue, Har galti ka ek naya bahana, aur fir sabki nazar me aana, Exam ki puri raat jagna, fir bhi sawal dekhke sar khujana, Mauka mile to class bunk marna, fir doston k sath canteen jana USKI ek jhalak dekhane roj college jana, usko dekhte dekhte attendance bhul jana, Har pal hai naya sapna, aaj jo tute fir bhi hai apna, Ye college ke din, In lamho me jindagi jee bhar ke jeena, Yaad karke in palon ko, Fir jindagi bhar muskurana
 Top two Engineering Rumors:
a) ‘Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm’
b) ‘Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, it’s been put up at Main Notice Board’
 Before COMPUTERS entered our lives!
MEMORY was something u lost wit age,
APPLICATION was for employment,
PROGRAM was a tv show,
KEYBOARD was a piano,
WEB was a spiders home,
VIRUS was the flu,
MOUSE was an animal
HARD DRIVE was a long trip on d road.

Unbelievable change!! :)

Engineering N Medical College Principals
Argued That Their Students Are Fearless…
Medical Colg’s Principal
Called His 2 Studnts N Told Them
To Jump In The SEA Full Of Sharks..
They Jumped…
The Principal Said:
See Da Guts

Engineering Colg’s Principal
Called 2 Students And Told Them To Jump…
They Said “Pagal Hai Kya Budhay….?? ”
The Principal Said:
See Da Guts =P ;->


Parents To A College Watchman:
Is This College Good..?
Probably The Best
I Did My Engineering Here
Got Immediate Placement


A Father Asks Peon:
How Are The Studies In This College?
Where Do I See My Son In Future?
The Future Is Bright
I Had Also Completed My Engineering
From The Same College!

Old Man School K Principal Se:
Zara Papu Ko Bula Dein
Aap Kon?
Old Man:
Mai Uska Dada
Wo Chutti Leker Ap K Janazay Mai Gaya Hai.
Famous Pakistani Actress Meera Is Opening A College..
The Name
Of The College Is..
Women College For Boys

1 Hand On Pen The Other On Phone,
1 Ear On Lecture The Other On The Classmates,
1 Eye On Board The Other On Next Seated Friend’s Notebook,
1 Foot On Ground & 1 On Friend’s New Shoes,
Face Full With Respect 4 Teacher & Heart Full With Abuses,
Eyes Lowered On Punishment But Morale HIGH At Heart,
Attention To Lecture But Concentration On Songs Being Played Through Ear-Plugs…!

Height Of Confidence
Once Many Profesors
Were Called N Asked
To Sit In An Aeroplane…
After They Sat,
They Were Informed That
The Plane Is Made By
Their Students,
All Of Them Ran N Got
Out Of The Plane Except
One …
People Asked Him The
Reason …
He Said:
“If It Is Made By My Students,
It Won’t Even Start ..” =P ;->

College Ki Ladki Se Bola
I Love U!
Ab Tum Mujhe Bolo
Mai Abhi Ja K Sir Ko Bolti Hun
Sardar :
Pagal Ki Buchi Sir Ko Mat Bol
Unki Shadi Ho Gai Hai
Aik Pagal Dosray Pagal Say:
Tum Kis Din Paida Howay?
Dosra Pagal:
Itwar Ko.
Pehla Pagal:
Tum Mujay Pagal Bana Rahay Ho
Itwar Ko To Choti Hoti Hay
Ha Ha
Ek Pagal Doosry Pagal Se
(Mayoosi K Sath)

Sab Log Hamen Pagal Kyon Kehty Hain?
Doosra Pagal:
Too Dafa Kr Yaar. . .
Ye Ley Leemo Ki Lasi Pi.
The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
Is it worth it???

Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,
Honge All Clear,
Honge All Clear Ek Din,
OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas,
Pura hai vishwas,
Hum hoge all clear ek din.

Top two Engineering Rumours:
a) ‘Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm’
b) ‘Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, it’s been put up at Main Notice Board’ 
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
 Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."